How to Let Go of a Need for Control

The ironic thing about needing to "be in control" is that the desire often ends up controlling you.

Let's take five minutes to see this week in a new light. By Wendy Rose Gould & Amy Morin, LCSW, Editor-in-Chief Top of Mind How to Let Go of a Need for Control   The ironic thing about needing to "be in control" is that the desire often ends up controlling you. While you might feel more at ease on the surface, forcing control can breed a host of negative feelings and emotions that can impact you mentally and physically. One of the best ways to increase happiness and a sense of peace is to simply let go.   The need for control is natural, but it can also make our lives more complicated."  — ARIANE RESNICK, CNC    Why We Crave Control  Craving some sense of control is completely normal. After all, when we view ourselves as "in control," it makes us feel like we can better predict the outcome of a situation which, in turn, helps us feel more at ease. The less we control, the less we can predict and the more "chaotic" our world becomes. Ultimately, a need for control is rooted in fear. The Problem with Needing Control While everyone craves control to some degree, some people use control as a means to cope with the inherent chaos of the world. Unfortunately, an overriding urge to be in control can often put us in a perpetual state of nervousness and fear unless every t is crossed and i is dotted.   In other words, we're so hyper fixated on making sure everything goes off without a hitch that we fail to enjoy life along the way. And then when things don't go according to plan—which can happen even when we do try to exercise complete control—it can be more difficult to cope. The Joy of Letting Go Curbing a strong urge to have control is difficult, especially if we've been operating that way for a long time. It requires diligent practice, greater mindfulness, and purposeful discovery of alternative, healthier coping mechanisms.   That said, letting go can foster immense happiness and it's worth the effort. The more you relinquish control, the more joy you'll experience. That includes: Feeling a deeper sense of peace and relaxation. Ironically, this is the very thing you crave but seldom get when trying to control every situation. Being more prepared for the unexpected. A 'go with the flow' mentality allows you to better handle whatever the outcome may be. Enjoying improved relationships. Even if you don't mean to, craving control can cause you to become hyper critical and, in some cases, difficult to be around. Letting go allows you to connect more deeply with others.   On the Bright Side Ways to Stay Positive This Week Ways to Nurture Your Mind and Body  This week, take 10 minutes to think about a recent situation where your need for control ended up controlling you. What fear was driving that urge for control? How did it impact your mental health and your relationships with others? What would have happened if you adopted a 'go with the flow' mentality instead?    "Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control" draws on Dr. Allan Mallinger's decades of research and observations on how perfectionism and a desire to have control can drain our energy and complicate our lives. The book includes eye-opening self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to overcome obsessiveness and reclaim happiness. Thoughtful journaling is a strategy that can help you channel fears, worries, and need for control in a healthier way. The Five Minute Journal makes the process even easier with helpful prompts. If spending less time on your smartphone is part of your strategy to let go, try one of these helpful digital detox products.       This Week on The Verywell Mind Podcast   On tomorrow's episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, I talk with author Mallory Ervin about how to stop numbing your emotions. Tune in to learn how you can confront your emotions, and start feeling like yourself again.   Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / RSS Read These Next What to Do When Life Feels Out of Control READ NOW 10 Signs You May Be a Perfectionist READ NOW How to Be Happy Again On Your Terms READ NOW Spread the Light Share the newsletter with someone you know to make their day a little brighter. SHARE We're open to suggestions! If you have any feedback about this newsletter, let us know at feedback@verywell.com.     You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the Healthy Mind newsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, please click here. If someone forwarded you this email, you can subscribe here!   A DOTDASH MEREDITH BRAND 28 Liberty Street, 7th Floor, New York, NY, 10005   © 2022 Verywellmind.com - All rights reserved. Privacy Policy