While being direct can be difficult—especially if you're fearful of confrontation, have social anxiety, or tend to people please—it's detrimental in the long run.
| Let's take five minutes to see this week in a new light. | | | Passive communication is an unclear style of speaking or acting in which you avoid clearly stating what's on your mind. While being direct can be difficult—especially if you're fearful of confrontation, have social anxiety, or tend to people please—it's detrimental in the long run. | | | Passive communicators fail to be assertive and allow others to take advantage of them. | | Examples of passive communication include not speaking up about an issue that's bothering you, feeling guilty about disagreeing or saying no, and speaking softly or apologetically.
Passive communicators might also try to hint at something repeatedly versus speaking directly, keep bringing up the same topic in hopes that someone else will address the "elephant in the room," or downplay their needs, wants, or even self-worth. | While being passive in the moment may feel more comfortable, this approach isn't healthy or sustainable. People who are consistently passive in their communication are more likely to:
- Feel like their needs aren't being met
- Deal with feelings of anxiety or stress
- Build resentment toward others
- Be taken advantage of in social situations
- Feel like their life is out of their control or like they've lost themselves
- Come across as unclear or rude (or in extreme cases as a bully)
- Suffer in their relationships
- Erupt in frustration or anger
- Experience low self-worth or lack of confidence
| The first step toward becoming less passive is identifying that it's an issue and nipping it in the moment as best as you can. Here are some ways you can communicate with more assertion:
- Remove negative or wishy-washy qualifiers from your language, such as: "This might be dumb, but…" or "Do you think you could maybe…" or "I wish someone would…" or "I think I might want…"
- Replace the above language with clear phrases that start with "I" followed by a strong verb. For example, "I want;" "I feel;" or "I dislike."
- Remind yourself that your opinion, feelings, and needs are completely valid and that speaking about them can improve your relationships, self-confidence, and quality of life.
- Set and enforce personal boundaries, and kindly make sure others are aware of them.
- Do not say yes to things you disagree with or don't want to do.
| | Ways to Stay Positive This Week | | | Ways to Nurture Your Mind and Body | This week, take 10 minutes to identify a situation that's currently causing you frustration. What steps can you take to speak up about this ongoing issue in a way that produces a healthy outcome? What could happen if you don't speak up in an assertive way? | -
Developed by Sharon Martin, LCSW, "The Better Boundaries Workbook" helps you maintain personal boundaries and avoid passive tendencies so you can foster healthy, authentic relationships. | | | |
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