How Relinquishing Control Can Improve Your Life

Ironically, our urgency to maintain control can end up controlling us.

Let's take five minutes to see this week in a new light. By Wendy Rose Gould & Amy Morin, LCSW, Editor-in-Chief Top of Mind How Relinquishing Control Can Improve Your Life   Wanting to be in control is natural. In our minds, control helps provide a sense of comfortable grounding and makes us feel like we have it all figured out. Sometimes, though, striving to be in control at all costs can actually backfire. And ironically, our urgency to maintain control can end up controlling us.   Believing you have control over uncontrollable events…often leads people to invest time and energy into ineffective, unhelpful, or even counterproductive actions." — KENDRA CHERRY, MS    Why We Crave Control Ultimately, the desire for control stems from fear. We fear the unknown and we fear the worst. Conversely, the more we know, understand, or perceive that we "control," the safer we feel. By striving for control, our minds tell us that we can prevent bad or unexpected things from happening. The Pitfalls of Wanting Control Striving for control in all that we do can backfire in a few key ways: It induces stress and anxiety. Those who try to control everything may experience more stress and anxiety than those who don't. Your physical health can take a toll. For example, when you feel out of control it can affect your sleep or increase blood pressure. It causes you to miss out on things that could have brought you joy. If someone doesn't feel like they can control a certain situation, they may avoid it altogether. It breeds a negative mindset. Caring too much about how things outside your control are going can lead to increased criticism about everything that happens. It pushes others away. When others feel like your control extends to controlling them, it makes them want to distance themselves from you. What You Can Gain By Letting Go It's easier said than done but letting go of control in your life can have an incredibly positive impact. For example, you can experience increased peace and relaxation. Additionally, you'll be able to practice more of a "go-with-the-flow" mentality and small upsets won't completely derail you. Best of all, you can improve your connections with others.   On the Bright Side Ways to Stay Positive This Week Ways to Nurture Your Mind and Body  This week, take 15 minutes to assess areas in your life where you feel anxious if you're not in control. It might be over your child, your career, your friendships, or your romantic relationship. Write down some small steps you can take today to loosen the reigns. Penned by speaker James Clear, "Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones" is a #1 New York Times bestseller that reframes the way we think about progress and success and equips you with tools to transform your habits.  Meditation can help calm our minds and provide a sense of grounding. An app like Calm makes meditation feel more accessible and, in turn, can help improve your practice. Here are the 12 best stress relief products that our editors use to find a moment of peace in all the chaos.   This Week on The Verywell Mind Podcast   On tomorrow's episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, I talk with Chris Winter, a neurologist and sleep expert who helps his patients, including professional athletes who travel a lot, learn to sleep better.    Tune in to hear him share his insights on the sleep industry and how we can get a refreshing night's sleep.   Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / RSS Read These Next How to Develop an Internal Locus of Control READ NOW 8 Things People Do to Control Social Anxiety READ NOW How to Stop Focusing on Things You Can't Control READ NOW Spread the Light Share the newsletter with someone you know to make their day a little brighter. SHARE We're open to suggestions! If you have any feedback about this newsletter, let us know at feedback@verywell.com.     You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the Healthy Mind newsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, please click here. If someone forwarded you this email, you can subscribe here!   A DOTDASH BRAND 28 Liberty Street, 7th Floor, New York, NY, 10005   © 2021 Verywellmind.com - All rights reserved. Privacy Policy